Why do we do these things that we do knowing full well what we do when we do
the things we do? Sorry its ass-ery on a roll this morning.
So I'm listening to colleagues and friends day in day out (hate that
phrase...why am I using it? Do I need a shrink?) And a common thread in
conversations has been the 'et tu Brute' emotion or some variation.
Here's how it typically plays out: some long-suffering saint (me or one of
the aforementioned good people of God) brings up a story, a situation, an
experience in which someone dealt them a harsh blow. It would begin with a
story of how much said saint, let’s call them Holy Nweje, has done for said
ingrate; Lucifer, shall we? And how Lucifer becomes a turncoat and does the
unthinkable namely try to lead a mutiny on The Paradise ship of heaven,
and Baba God, here represented by Holy Nweje then has to cast him out into the
'wherever the hell it is you're off to' for biting the proverbial finger.
Ok ‘nuff of the crazy speak. But that's kind of how it plays out and
we all know this. We all play the aggrieved party when people whom we believe
owe us mental blood allegiances seem to renege on agreements never quite
articulated; relatives financially dependent on the crumbs that fall from the
table of our budgets, in-laws whom we 'spoil' with little gifts and
uncomfortable calls and the occasional monetary gift, drivers, maids, cleaners,
kids tutors etc. etc....your list may be longer because it's just about any and
every one whom we have given comfort of some kind to.
So the conversation starts with the Holy Nweje listing the innumerable
good deeds done for or to the cunning never-again-to-be-trusted Lucifer. It
then segues into a declaration of HN's desire to never stop being a saint even
if some form of martyrdom is required. And then the axe falls when the audience
is listening with rapt attention found in mobs, religious congregations, people
about to be separated from their money by a savvy trickster, and persons
hanging on to the every word of an accomplished gossip, a practiced charmer or
in this case Holy Nweje who possesses albeit unknowingly traits of all these
'professions'. At this point empathy is outta the window and sympathy sitting
on a firm foundation of rage or disgust at the of course absent Lucifer, peaks in
an admirable crescendo of slow judgment. Questions asked and opinions proffered
all support the notion that HN is good and Lucifer is bad and has to leave
heaven.
I once was cast in the ignominious role of Lucifer (Father Lord, financially
let me never go there…..shuddering as the memories cause me to blink). I have
been HN. I have been the sole audience. I have been in the larger audience. And
I have grown enough to wonder 'why do I have to keep record of the wrongs if I
really meant well and why in the world would I keep records of my good deeds
only to hold them as a standard against a person whose need probably trumped
their judgment?' Doesn't seem to make much logical sense does it?
