On friendships lost

Naked with you
Dreams revealed
Highs shared
Lows......need we go there?


The unburdening.... My fears you know. My insecurities you shared. My flaws you saw. My mask never in place with you. My inner child you nurtured. My budding adult you watched with deep fascination. My aging heart you watched with deep sorrow

The hereafter.....unfolding in the now
My confusion you know. My insecurities you know. My flaws you see. My disintegration you began. My grief you nurture. My mask you replaced.

I look wildly around. Half-hoping, half-dreading. Will you be there. To welcome and yet to reject. A reminder that in their swirl my emotions welcomed and yet rejected? A brooding unyielding reminder that nakedness is vulnerability. If I seek you will you let me find you?
If I call will you still know my voice?

....mental

A friend told me he learned to compartmentalize and perfected mental speed-searching because he needed to. That's me paraphrasing. But you should get the gist. 

 

You learn as you grow older that this is a necessary skill to have. 

You choose what has the power, if any, to shake you.

 

You screen your emotions and learn to be joyful when you're grieving, upbeat when you're depressed, friendly when beneath the surface you're seething with anger, pleasant when the sarcasm is simmering underneath and like a pressure pot something just wants to let loose, calm when your emotions are a riot, respectful when you really just want to tell the other person just how much of an ass you think they are and politely tell them to ‘with due respect’ stop being a jerk-off.

 

Duplicitous? I think not.

 

 

For every reaction or action is just a notch on a number line of emotions or actions. So you learn to choose your battles. You learn to live in a manner that doesn't leave too many unanswered questions in your head. You learn to give yourself permission to be more than the sum of your emotions and fears. You learn to exhale